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Odds & Ends

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    Odds & Ends

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    If people from Poland are called 'Poles' why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'

    Why do we say something is out of whack? What's in whack?

    Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

    Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with!

    When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

    Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

    Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

    Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

    If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

    'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

    Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's?'

    Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint, you will have to touch it to be sure?

    If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

    Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

    I was thinking how people seem to read the Bible more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they're cramming for their final exam.

    I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

    Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them!? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail!?

    How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

    If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    No one ever says 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

    Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

    If a cow laughed, would milk come out its nose?

    If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
    Think Green.......Recycle Congress

    Certified Armed Infidel

    Right Wing Extremist

    You "love" a woman in pajamas. You have sex with a woman in lingerie.
    Certified Armed Infidel


      To write with a broken pencil is pointless.


        Have you ever heard anyone described as being gruntled?
        Genius by birth, Slacker by choice.


          I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.